A Smile at The End

She walked…here and there. She didn’t know where to head. She looked back. She thought there was someone following her. But, there was nobody. She stopped, took her mobile phone from the purse, dialed some numbers and pushed the green phone picture. She waited. Nobody answered her.

She started walking again. It’s getting darker and darker. She didn’t even see the moon, seemed like it was fully covered by the clouds, hiding itself. It was somehow scary.

She knew, she had made a wrong decision. She shouldn’t have been getting out of the house, she should have just stayed and kept her mouth shout. But, she couldn’t help it.

It was typically her. She always wanted to tell the truth, even if it hurt. Her father would know anyway that her mother had been spending time with that man even if she didn’t let the cat out of the bag.

And now, alone in this absolute obscurity, she regretted her decision.

Her regret grew bigger and bigger when she looked back and found that a man—or two, she wasn’t certain, she was too afraid to look back one more time to ensure—was following her from such a short distance.

Then, she felt hands on her back, on her mouth, on her eyes. She screamed, out loud…but even she couldn’t hear any voice coming out of her sealed mouth. She couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear anything, anymore.

She knew it was the end, and, she smiled

Maya Kayren, DVM

~20 years ago~

My heart beat faster and faster as the little girl came into the room. I couldn’t see her face. Her eyes were glued to her brown shoes. Her dress, also brown, seemed not to fit her well. It was a little too small.

Mrs. Jig brought her closer to me. I reached out to her. She stepped back. Mrs. Jig looked at me, asking me to try once more.

I didn’t want to try once more. I didn’t want to scare her. I wanted to give her space.

“Maya, this is Mrs. Kayren. She will take you to her house. Maya, please, look at me while I’m talking to you.”

Maya, the little girl, looked up. I saw tears in her green eyes.

I looked at her. She looked at me. We said nothing. But, I believe our eyes talked to each other. Our eyes said million words.

All of a sudden, she stepped forward. My heart beat even faster.

“Do you have cats?” she asked.

I smiled. I nodded.

“Good. Let’s go to your house. Let’s see if you can be my mother.”


~Today~

There she is, Maya, my daughter. She looks beautiful on her graduation day. She is now Maya Kayren, DVM, my smart adopted daughter.

Tears of a Pretty Girl

That pretty girl, sitting on the cold bench, was looking at the lake with her wide eyes. I was on the other bench, also cold, reading my book. Well, not actually reading beacuse she really took my attention. I could see her fine nose, a little bit up, smelling the air. The nice smell from the lake.

In front of us, there were some little rowboats two persons in each, a man and a woman. She was still staring at the lake. No expression, no happiness, no sadness, nothing. I could see her eyelash from my place. They must have been so long and curly that I could notice from about two metters and a half.

I tried to read my book again with my eyes sometimes looking at her. Half an hour. It was almost dark. Most of the boats were disappearing from the lake. Only some couples walking out of the park, hand in hand. Some others enjoy the darkening process. No sunset in the corner of the lake but still it was beautiful.

I put my book back to my bag. Tired of sitting down, I walked to reach the lake. A few inches from it, I stopped. I turned my head to see the girl. She also stood up. A few steps away from the bench. Her long brown hair and skirt were flying so beautifully on the cold air. Just one thing bothered me, tears.

I saw tears on her pinky cheeks. Now I saw sadness. Wondering what on her mind now. It seemed like she just could not help it. She was trying to manage her feeling but then, she really could not help it.

Standing there, tears from her eyes onto her cheeks, down touching the land, absorbed. But not her sadness. She kept it in her heart, wishing that she could do the same with it, letting the fetile soil absorbed it so it did not have to be her burden.

I was still there, watching her. She did not notice me. That might be better. I would not be able to heal her wounded heart.

Perawan

Dia hanya duduk mematung. Matanya menatap kaget pada layar monitor. Sebuah simbol wajah bundar yang biasanya dipanggil smiley face justru tidak sedang tersenyum, melainkan mengeluarkan butiran-butiran air mata. Lalu ada kalimat yang mengiringi.

pretty_babe: dia merenggutnya kemaren malam, mas.
inilahsaya: kenapa kamu kasih?
pretty_babe: aku cinta dia, mas.
inilahsaya: ya udah, jangan nangis kalo gitu.

Dia pun log off, tidak ingin lagi bicara dengan siapa pun di dunia maya itu. Hatinya lelah. Setiap dia masuk ke chat room, ia akan berkenalan dengan banyak gadis. Ada yang single, ada yang sudah menikah, atau kumpul kebo kalau di luar negri. Ada yang masih perawan, ada yang sudah kehilangan, menghilangkan atau dihilangkan keperawanannya.

Yang baru saja diajaknya bicara entah berada di kategori kehilangan, menghilangkan atau dihilangkan. Sepertinya ia menyesal tapi kenapa ia bilang bahwa ia mencintai pria itu. Gadis pretty_babe itu telah dikenalnya sejak setengah tahun yang lalu di sebuah chat room dewasa. Umurnya baru enam belas lebih enam bulan saat itu. Sekarang sudah tujuh belas.

Padahal dia menyukai gadis itu. Mereka memang belum pernah bertemu, hanya bertukar foto. Rencananya dia akan mengajaknya makan malam pada hari ulang tahunnya, kemarin malam. Tapi seminggu yang lalu gadis itu bercerita bahwa ia baru ditembak seorang cowok yang ia kenal di chat room. Gagal. Setelah pengakuan pretty_babe tadi, dia akhirnya berniat untuk memblokir nick name gadis itu dari daftar teman chatnya. Bukan berlagak suci tapi dia kecewa.

- 1 tahun kemudian -

Dia berjalan-jalan di mall, sendiri. Pagi hari, di hari jum'at. Da berdiri di lantai 1 memandang ke bwah dengan bersandar pada tiang. Melihat para pengunjung berlalu lalang.

Bahunya ditepuk.

Pretty_babe. Perutnya buncit. Wajah pretty_babe menyunggingkan senyum. Perutnya buncit. Pretty_babe mengecup kedua belah pipinya. Perutnya buncit.

Hatinya menangis.

Entah...

Semalam aku terdiam di ambang jendela. Duduk dengan kedua kakiku melayang bebas. Aku memandang langit. Tak ada bintang, apalagi bulan. Hanya ada gelap.

Sejak kecil aku suka sekali duduk diam memandang langit. Tapi malam tadi adalah langit tergelap yang pernah kulihat. Bukan mendung, tapi gelap. Tak ada hujan, hanya gelap.

Lelah menengadah, terkadang aku menunduk. Aku melihat ke bawah. Hanya ada rerumputan dan beberapa mawar di setiap sudut taman di bawahku.

Lelah menunduk, aku menatap lurus ke depan. Hampa...

Baru kemarin rumah itu dirubuhkan. Suaranya bising. Tapi yang lebih terganggu bukanlah telingaku dan gendang yang ada di dalamnya, melainkan hatiku.

Seakan-akan para pekerja itu menghancurkan jiwa sahabatku, bukan rumahnya. Menghancurkannya sekali lagi, setelah ia hancur--secara harafiah--akibat tindihan kereta di atasnya dan desakan rel di bawahnya.

Dan sekarang aku hanya dapat menengadah lagi, menatap langit yang gelap. Langit tergelap yang pernah aku lihat.

Selamat jalan sahabat...entah...kapan lagi aku bisa melihatmu, utuh!